Dhoom 3 review

Wrote this a while ago. Had read a lot of Vigil Idiot movie reviews and thoroughly enjoyed each of them. So was inspired to write one in a similar style. Here goes:

The movie takes off in Chicago with Iqbal Khan (Jackie Shroff) trying to run a circus that is going in loss and about to be taken over by the bankers to clear the debts.

If an introduction had to be given by the actors themselves, this is how they would best sum it up.

Jackie Shroff: “I believed that the bankers would extend the loan if I impress them with a not so impressive magic trick. Strange they didn’t like it. Butno problemo. I have the perfect solution – suicide. Right in front of my son who hasn’t even reached adolescence. He can look after himself; I taught him magic na.”

Siddharth Nigam: “I play the preteen Sahir, the son of the magician. And someday, I will rob the Western Bank of Chicago to avenge the death of my father, who couldn’t repay the bank’s loan and who could still give me a happy childhood, but chose not to.”

Andrew Bricknell: “I play the “evil” gora banker Anderson. I am supposed to be the villain here for doing my job. Had no idea asking back overdue money from customers is considered cruel. Darn, no wonder there is recession!”

Aamir Khan: “I am the grown up Sahir who wears a fedora even at home. But I forget to put a shirt on so that I can show off my awesome build (Sallu Bhai’s idea to make Rs.100 crore without a proper script in place.*wink wink*)

I own a huge apartment in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Never mind how I earned so much money after I became an orphan. I ain’t telling you now or later. So stop questioning my movie’s logic, coz dude, Aamir Khan means perfection. Galti se bhi mistake nahi ho sakta. Now just listen to my over the top opening dialogue and applaud!

And oh! I rob the high security bank I wanted to avenge for so long. Again, never mind how I did it, because that would be so uninteresting to know. The writer never thought how it happens anyways. So instead, just watch me give weird expressions in the mask of acting (and not a mask which robbers usually wear) as I shower green bills on the streets; followed by weirder stunts. You have seen the trailers; you know what I am talking about. Yeah, now applaud!”

And applaud you will, admiring the sheer stupidity this movie cooks up in just the first 15 minutes. You will be forgiven to think that the worst is behind you. Mind you, ACP Jai Dixit (Abhishek Bachchan) and Ali Akbar (Uday Chopra) haven’t even made an entry yet! And the less said about their entry the better. Dark, pot-bellied goons, flying auto rickshaws breaking through walls, magically appearing superbikes, you name it, their entry has every possible action masala added to it. Not good for your appetite. Rohit Shetty may pick a thing or two from here to take his action to the next level.

And let’s seriously not talk about their acting. Somehow, they have managed to act badly even in the action scenes. Abhishek is scowling throughout the movie and you see a wide smile on Uday Baba’s face even when he is getting shot at.

This is Vijay Krishna Acharya’s first film as a director, but his third as a writer, which makes you think, why such a bad script with so awful dialogues. Sample this: Anderson, the banker, asks the Chicago Police, “So who’s this guy who is robbing us?” The enlightened reply he gets, “It’s a thief, Sir. That’s all I can say at this point.” And since the thief has left a message in Hindi, they decide to call cops from India. Hello! Ever heard of Google translate? No wonder the Mumbai cops are the smart ones here.

So this leaves the leggy lass Alia (Katrina Kaif) to come into the picture. And when she does, you will feel that your money has not gone totally waste. Her striptease is a delight to watch and the highpoint of Dhoom 3.

This is followed by one more robbery where Sahir, a circus clown by profession, uses a machine that will put 007 to shame. A bike that turns into a speedboat at the push of a button. Pushing the limits, are we?

The fact that the second half of the movie is better than the first, is actually a bit disappointing, since by now, you are anticipating many more stupid, illogical stunts at which you can marvel. In fact, the final chase and the climax on the dam have been quite well shot, and I say this in all earnestness. But the damage has been already done till then. If it’s not the stunts that assault your brains , then it’s the twitching, staring and stammering of Aamir Khan, who tries hard to display his varied acting skills.

It would be wrong to say that there is no story. There is one for sure. Just that it lacks logic. And logic is such a passé; which filmmaker wants to waste time and money on that? It’s enough that the audience is wasting theirs on the ticket and popcorn.

Rarely do you see Katrina Kaif being the saving grace for a film. Dhoom 3 is one such movie though. And with such a poorly written story, the antics of Ali start seeming rich. Even the music of this big banner film is forgettable and doesn’t hold up.

Watch this movie to be d(h)oomed.